November 20th 2018

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Even with death comes life, of some description, saw this stuff, its white and almost foamy and revolting i’m sure if you touched it and rolled around in it, imagine that if you can weirdos!

One thing wandering round these woods has shown me, if not taught me, is that there is stuff that exists, which we have no clue about; what is its purpose, what does it eat (rotten stuff) does it go out? Does it visit the New Inn? I doubt the afore mentioned organism would go near it due to the tracksuit landlord; come on man, you’re not 20, in fact you’re not between the age of 9 and 40 possibly more, its a worrying trend, there’s a hell of a lot of tracksuits around, be they double or just top or bottoms. I’ve got a couple of pairs, just bots, but FFS. I understand the comfort aspect, but that’s as far as they should be tolerated. Unless you are on the badminton court or the squash court, then forget it. The day someone turns up at the croquet square bedecked in whatever the fuck it’s made of spells the end of civilisation as I understand it. In my home, tracksuits are for painting and chainsawing, end of (as the youth say).

So the life which proliferates in the woods is a constant reminder of Michael Palin who said

“Isn’t nature wonderful? Yea, yea, yea, yea yea.”

Second time i’ve typed this, and i wrote something incredibly profound the first time, WordPress crashed and I lost  about 100 words of drivel; to you maybe but to me, a veritable arboreal feast. Shit!.

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Seems to be working now, check out this massive spider, to me it looks like a big green hand and reminds me of a joke which requires actions to understand.

So I’ll tell it;

Q)  Whats that?

A)  An upside down one of those.

Hilarious.

Today on the walk we had a very interesting chat about margarine and butter and everything in-between. I can’t believe its not butter, etc. C had read an article in that well known awful rag, the Sun, which told her and further us and consequently all of you billions of concerned readers who check my blog daily for health tips, and to make sure you are following the popular lifestyle trends, healthy ones of course, there’ll be no Gin here. There will now follow fact after dubious fact and you can take what you want from it but I for one will be turning back to butter; which will be my slogan when I stand for KOW (King of the World) in the future, its only a matter of time.

Margarine was an invention made to fatten up turkeys originally because it was cheaper than that butter, this is your first fact of the day fact fans, but don’t hold your breath, theres more.

Margarine was originally white but us, the humans, dyed it yellow to appeal to our sensibilities and love of butter, carnally and in a tasty type way.

Margarine is, and this is a really Fantastic Fact of the Day, it is just 1 molecule from being plastic, so if you looked at margarine under a microscope it would be a load of white balls jumbled together like an insipid ball pit full of piss.

Don’t eat margarine people, this is an official health warning from the Ministry of Shrawley Walks. You’ll be sorry if you do, we’ll send the scientists round to fuck you up, and then margarine and feather you and then you’ll be sorry. Trust me, many won’t.

 

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