January 12th 2018


My son got man of the match today, was given a pack of Jaffa cakes for the prize; is it a biscuit? Is it a cake? That debate will run on and on, minds far greater than mine will sort out that quandary, i’ll leave it to them, i can’t concentrate with those things buzzing round my head. After the game, I attempted some electricity repairs, changing a few light switches, white for brushed steel, its contemporary don’t cha know? Any way it seemed like i’d taken on more than i bargained for and had to change a whole metal frame thing which exists within the wall to enclose the wires and stuff. Needless to say, I had problems fixing the casing into the wall with screws and so have wedged it in using plastic, matches and a bit of magic. There is no electrical certificate, I’m sure it’ll be ok, the wiring bit was cock on.


The woods have signs of spring time and we are only in the first third of January (the first trimester of spring) for goodness sake, the green shoots, the crocuses and the snow drops are popping up on the side of the old Frogpool, the pool which the elders of the village used to farm for frogs their hallucionagenic properties, lick the frogs back and within an hour you’d be on your back.

The Shrawley Frog Harvesters were an infamous group of vagabonds and ne’er do wells in 17th Century Worcestershire, the parish was a den of anarchic chaotic wickedness on the scale of the Bacchus from ancient Greece. Frog costumes were worn, gloves with long fingers and large goggle eyes, painted yellow were not an uncommon site leaping through the ancient oak and lime woods of Shrawley. In a hidden valley is a largely algae filled pond said once to be the HQ of the Frog Harvesters, in recent times some walkers who have strayed off the path, have said they have seen a spindly legged Frog-man (not a scuba diver there’s never been any forest fires here (see urban myth)) hopping from tree to tree. The misconception was that the frogman could swim, but the hallucinogenic slime from the frog’s back played havoc with the breathing and so the Fr-aides (Frog aides) would prevent the Frogman from swimming and coaxed him toward the trees. Ironically more Frogmen were mortally injured falling from the trees than the woodsmen who’s tenure, particularly in the woods, was always very short lived. Many were reported found, their hands split between the fingers to elongate them… like a frog’s.

I digress; I saw Wreck It Ralph break the internet, The Greatest Showman sing feel good songs, and all on a hacked fire stick for free! Which makes me kind of smug until the internet police show up and arrest my son; it’s in his name i’m not daft. We are now going to watch Mamma Mia 2, Benny is sat on his back, his balls shining in the lamp light and the fire is whistling, a result of the wind whooshing down the chimney.

Good night freaks. I may have posted this one before, but its next year now so get involved


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