All true, I was going to post this on my blog, but only the cult members read tit, I thought it has wider appeal. Readers of a sensitive disposition can probably turn away now but read through their fingers as they cover their eyes in horror.
Had to rise early today, had an appointment with my boss, my annual review, will I get a pay rise? “will ah fuck”. Theres no money in the budget said our director as he flew off into the sunset on his solid gold phoenix, counting as diamonds as emeralds dropped from his pockets like rain into the ocean, never to be seen again. This is how my company, or rather the company that I spend my time making money for, seems to run these days.
I wasn’t the first early riser, see the rigid erect poles which I promised last night, they haven’t been connected yet but they are stiffening up with every second, erect and proud looking skywards.
“But why are you talking in this way Minister? I accept that you run a cult, but you seem so forward and suggestive today, what has changed?”
You’d be correct to ask this question, this morning pre early walk Benny was unusually clingy, not running off, not pulling up into the woods, pleasant to experience but not normal and for that reason I surmised that something must be wrong. It was, severely so; young Benny had been thinking sexy thoughts, i’d suggest about Hattie and then maybe Misty walking in, catching them at it and then joining in; classic porn narrative. Anyway turns out the old chap had slipped from its sheath, poking his head out and couldn’t retreat, leaving a swollen red rugby ball shaped object where his largely secretive (thank God) penis used to sit.
A friend of mine only a couple of months ago had mentioned he’d had this issue with his dog twice; in order to release the beast he had to ease it back into the skin with a mild lubricant… twice!! That is definitely not a job for me, more so for the vet, and with that it was sorted, My son and I would apply a bag of frozen peas swaddled in a tea towel and comfort him for 10 minutes, then he’d go to school, I’d go to my annual review and Mrs T would have to take him to the vet! Turns out when she put him in the car, he gets in such a state that the old chap retreated to way beyond where he probably should have gone and so there was no need fo the vet’s soft, warm caring hands, or for that matter mine.
I will not hold another species’ penis.