September 9th 2019


It pissed it down today, comparatively speaking. We could have done with a bit of that rain yesterday at Old Trafford and the Ashes would be still alive, prompting the question “Is it fair to pray for an early finish to a cricket match due to rain, so that we could draw a game we had no chance of winning or even drawing if truth be known?” Maybe it is, but thats why cricket is cricket. We love to watch the game, but we also pray for rain, under certain circumstances. How odd does that sound?

This picture is taken in Akayaka whilst padddle boarding. I carried my iPhone with me, and wasn’t totally stable on the board and so didn’t enjoy the activity as much as I should have, next time I won’t take a camera and you lot will; just have to take my word for it when I say I’ve been unto various high adrenaline outdoor activities, rather than alphabetiscising my record collection and cataloguing my CDs ready for selling on eBay. I am after all a man not dissimilar from the milk tray man, full of chocolates and comfortable black polo neck jumpers.

Mrs T is away with her Mum, so i’m here manning the fort, for a week, well a little more; 9 days! In these days I have set myself a task to decorate the study, put a new floor down in the study, and put some new skirting boards on in the study. We have a German exchange coming a week on thursday, and so much work must be attended to. After lessss than a day of Mrs T being absent and I am exhausted, which is not conducive to sitting in my bed at midnight writing this drivel in an effort to boost my stats and amuse my adoring public fan.

I’ll be quick as I’m sleepy but there are a few things I must tell you, kicking off with a dubious fact of the day unless proven otherwise and told to me by my friend who I shall call P, to protect his identity. You know who you are. Here it is;

In the English Language there is no swear word beginning with the letter E, and I don’t believe there is one beginning with the letter H, but that H bit was an appendix and should not be included with in the Dubious Fact of the Day, it’s the E that matters. Answers on a post card playmates.

Glancing through the urban dictionary whilst trying to find a rude “H” word I did stumble across “Hobosexual” or someone who goes out with someone to secure a place to live, i liked that one. Again the floor is yours, fill your boots and come up with an H and an E swear word.

Also I learnt that the collective noun for a bunch of squid is a school but the powers that be are trying to change it to a squad of squid and I can fully appreciate why now I see it written down. I shall show my support to the CND (Collective Noun Department). So folks thats it, I’m shagged, tired in the Queens English.

But just as an aside the plural of Octopus can be Octopi and/or Octopuses, Hippopotamus can be Hippopotami and/or Hippopotamuses. And; get this the plural of Squid is Squids. Until this evening, on the side of the football pitch, as I watched my son and his mates have a training session, I’m willing to swear under the gaze of someone really threatening that I’ve never said Squids before. So there you go. What the hell is the Grammatical and Spelling world coming to whilst our backs are turned and we are concentrating on Brexit, sabotage that’s what.



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