Today’s Oblique Strategy provided by Eno and Schmidt is “Use Unqualified People” pretty much everyone who has serviced my boiler in the past.

I am willing to send a barrage of non plutonic snogs and inappropriate hugging of strangers in a hail of potentially suspect over tactile activity to the person or persons who allow me, through the sensible controlling of the population’s health to protect others from the fucking virus, to have a bit of summer fun. 

I’m not asking for much; just a holiday to Spain or other European country who we avoid going to war with after Brexit. Fact is the government has given a massive cash injection to the military for the next few years, to combat cyber crime, form a Space Force and start a War with Europe, it is at this point that I research my Genealogy and see if I can wangle an Icelandic passport; they’re cool and change the road direction to protect pixies, i’m in with that. 

This Christmas we are being told will be ok because the virus will stop its nasty business for a brief interlude over the festive season to allow us to get all our elderly relatives over for a spot of passive Euthanasia, then they’re going to have a period of 3 weeks or so new lockdown in January so the elderly can die alone in their homes or a hospital and we won’t be able to say Goodbye. But; thats ok because we saw them at Christmas, and on the plus side you can get the jumper back you gave to your Dad because you’re the same size. Back of the net!

What I’m really looking forward to is what sort of fun and games the bunch of “Massively Unqualified People” who are running this shitshow are going to bestow on us next? Could we flood Kent and build a massive Lido, the envy of the world? Or maybe London and create a kind of Scuba World, murky and full of nappies, tampons and fat bergs. These surely are exciting times and I for one can not wait.

Disclaimer: It’s poor satire.