Pinch Punch… Slightly late but i’ve had Covid and done nothing more productive than sit and listen to music while everyone is out at work before scampering up to my puit when the kids get home and Mrs T decides to call it a day. So usually at 5 i’m in the bedroom and it is at that point I will start to watch some vacuous sitcoms and think to my self, “Has it reall come to this” before realising that watching Dinner Ladies really points towards my finger really being on the pulse all be it 20 odd years too late, but Victoria Wood; what a talent.

The Covid rules have worked in my favour it transpires as well as Brexit which now affords me a stamp in my passport when I travel to France (the French actually stamp a Middle Finger in my passport now) and as well as the Hike in Gas and Electric Prices which now afford me the luxury of actually seeing the digital numbers of money spent click by as I watch, usually you blink and you miss it. Yes, the rules of Covid now state that if youy test positive for the virus, then you can “kind of keep yourself isolated” for 5 days and then you’re free to go provided you don’t have a high temperature, which I don’t, I’ve been absolutely fine for days, aside from the re-evaluation of my life as I fester amongst the bed sheets. So today I shall go out for a pint and to a shop and then take my son to his first golf lesson, whilst sitting on the club house balcony enjoying a Guinness (always the safest drink in a golf club, they usually have Carling, Stella and some sort of awful smooth pour shit like Caffreys)

Theres a brilliant story on the front pages today “Tory MP photographed with a tray full of Cocaine lined up and ready to bang just prior to getting undressed to try and bang a parliamentary aide, everything but the nipple tassels apparently.I’m going to watch Sunday Breakfast to see how they’re going to defend this one. The way things are going I really wouldn’t put anything past them…

“I was baking a cake, lining up the flour is a good way to measure weight and this is a precise cake, so needs precise measurements and the scales had run out of batteries and then I put the oven on high and it got really hot so I took off all my clothes and suddenly felt feint and fell into bed where the aide was lying coincidentally, then she woke me up shouting and told me that I had to hurry out as I would miss the express train back to Frome… Your Honour”